Stop Trying To Prove Yourself: You Are Enough

I was listening to this amazing talk by Christine Hassler and she was referring to our brains and our consciousness as real estate. She uses this term because there is a finite amount of space in which our brains hold information. Because of this, she says it is really important for us to be aware of what we are giving that space to. If we are giving all of our real estates to caring what people think of us, or our fears, there is less room for us to be inspired, creative, and our authentic selves. We must give our space to the things that truly matter to us. Those are not painful memories, worrying, or people-pleasing.

I had this epiphany as she was talking. It was about how I have lived my life restricted because of other people’s beliefs. In fact, I had always felt this need to prove myself to the people around me. This has been something I have struggled with my whole life so I wanted to share with you what I have discovered about this topic.

Self-Doubt is Sneaky

Throughout my life, I acted as a textbook sheep. That meaning, I would only believe in things if other people agreed with them and also believed them. This life sure was safe, but let me tell you what it was NOT. It was not innovative, it wasn’t new or inspired, and it for sure was not my authentic truth. I lived in chronic fear of being accepted, so I would throw out my own beliefs to fit in with the crowd. For example, If I believed in magic, herbal medicine, and energy healing, and I brought that up to someone else, and they didn’t believe in it. I would quickly change the subject, doubt myself, and just listen to what their beliefs were.

This was so silly. If someone does not agree with me, that shouldn’t affect my belief. Additionally, that shouldn’t take away from my opinion, or make my opinion “wrong”. I have come to my beliefs time and time again, and it feels very real to me, so why would I instantly throw it out if someone else didn’t agree?

Well, I didn’t trust my knowledge, or what I had to offer. I didn’t think I could hold strong opinions because I was afraid of what people would think. I would find myself rehearsing what I was going to say about my beliefs, and finding evidence, so I could be prepared not to look stupid. I wanted to be in complete control. And as a result, I would listen to other people who were louder and more confident.

You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself

The truth is, we are not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. People are going to disagree with us, not everyone is going to believe in everything we do, but guess what? That does not mean that we are wrong. That does not mean our opinions and beliefs are not valid, they are just as valid as anyone else’s. In the same way, that does not mean we should stop believing in things that are dear to our hearts. For example, what if someone went up to Charles Darwin and said “Evolution isn’t real, stop studying it”. Which I am sure people did. What if he listened to them? We wouldn’t have the origin of species and be where we are!

You cannot let other people’s fears and limiting beliefs tie you down. People aren’t going to understand you. People are going to think you’re stupid. People are going to think your crazy. LET THEM. How does that hurt you? It doesn’t! The only way it hurts you is if you subscribe to what they are saying. If you take it on your back and identify with it, “Oh ya I must be stupid”. Then it will hurt. But when you can separate yourself from the judgment and just see it as two opposing beliefs, you will set yourself free. And, if they judge you or label you, that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their belief system. If they want to judge you, they have to carry that around. They have to carry that heavy, iky backpack of pretentiousness and fear.

Shucks, I don’t want to carry that, no thanks!

Everyone has the right to believe what they want, let them!

You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself

Oh and guess what? You don’t have to explain yourself to everyone.

This is the message I am channeling through for this post.

You don’t have to prove yourself. You don’t.

If someone wants to challenge you and you don’t feel like being challenged. You can say, “I don’t think I have an answer for your question at the moment” or ” I would rather not go into this today” Or ” I don’t know”.

But here is the message:

If you don’t “prove” yourself in a way that makes them understand you, that does not make you wrong.

I am going to say that a few more ways:

As people-pleasers, we tirelessly go around trying to “prove” to everyone around us that we are enough.

SCREW THAT.

Trust Yourself

Ahhhhh breathe that in.

Breathe in that soft acceptance for yourself as is. In all that you are, all that you hold dear to you heart. Everything.

Release all the times you have fought, with fists blazing, to prove yourself to these people who are looking for something to believe in just as much as you are.

No one has all of the answers, we all have our own truths.

There can be fun in argument and discussion. But you can pick which ones you want to be apart of.

Stay present, come back to your heart, come back to your truth.

Don’t put all your trust in what other people think.

Trust yourself.

And when the “what ifs” flood your brain choose another choice. Choice another good-feeling thought that will support you.

Don’t let the “what ifs” rule your consciousness and take up all your real estate.

Shift your focus.

and remember,

You are enough.

Disclaimer: I am not saying that we should all be so close-minded, that we don’t listen to anyone else. That is the opposite of what I am saying. I can only speak for myself personally, but I think a lot of people pleasers would feel this way. I tend to have SUCH an open mind, that I gave my brain space and my beliefs to what other people think because I didn’t fully believe in myself.